This, so much this, and what Lydy said above as well. I don't know Neil well at all (in fact, as I recall, it was you that introduced me to him) but I did like him and I was entirely wrong about him.

The other thing about the "everybody knew" narrative is that abusers are very good at keeping everybody from knowing. To quote Neil himself, in re serial killers, "We don't shit where we eat."

I'm so sorry, Elise, for this betrayal of your trust. Among all the other betrayals of trust going on in this narrative.