Much love to you and I appreciate you posting this. Have been thinking of you (and others) and not sure what to say privately or publicly. As I’m sure you understand, I’ve been reeling.
I also wound up watching out for Neil occasionally at cons and events. (Heavy sigh.) Trying to make things easier for him. (So much sighing.)
What you said about being sad & angry is where I’m at too. So angry and sad.
I think it actually is a sign of progress that at least in the places I hang out online, I’ve not seen people defending or excusing Neil. There’s been silence in places where I think if this had happened years ago, we might’ve seen “but he was always nice to me” sorts of comments, implying they didn’t believe the stories.
And one reason I think the silence is impressive is because Neil was nice to a lot of people. Which makes this all so shocking and appalling and bad. He’s tied into so much stuff in so many places (comics, SF/Fantasy books, TV, movies, music) and so many communities. The fallout and repercussions are enormous (if you had a thing tied to Neil in each room, well it’s a bit like that in the larger world of the arts too).
I have seen some people say “he was always nice to me” but only after saying how horrified they are over what has come out and that they had no idea. A lot of people were fooled.
I’ve sent a couple private messages to people I know who publicly said basically “I liked him, he was my friend, I had no idea, maybe if I traveled in comics or science fiction/fantasy circles I’d’ve known” and I write to tell them that no, that wouldn’t have helped. Lots of people in those circles had no idea. Not that I had the heart to go out and try to confirm that, but I have to have a bit of faith in my community. What a horrifying and heartbreaking idea to think that everyone knew.
I first met Neil when I was 19. I first went to a party at his house when I was 22. So. Yeah. I would hope if our mutual friends also going to those same parties knew anything, they would’ve warned me.
You know where to find me if you ever want to rant/vent/talk about this stuff. I haven’t talked much about it publicly because it’s very hard (and I didn’t know Neil as well as you nor did we have nearly as many interactions as you did). I believe the survivors. I’m angry and sad. Looking back and reframing interactions over 3 decades and trying to figure out if I missed signs has not been my favorite, that’s for sure. (But as you say, our sadness and anger doesn’t matter as much compared the survivors. It still really sucks though.)
no subject
I also wound up watching out for Neil occasionally at cons and events. (Heavy sigh.) Trying to make things easier for him. (So much sighing.)
What you said about being sad & angry is where I’m at too. So angry and sad.
I think it actually is a sign of progress that at least in the places I hang out online, I’ve not seen people defending or excusing Neil. There’s been silence in places where I think if this had happened years ago, we might’ve seen “but he was always nice to me” sorts of comments, implying they didn’t believe the stories.
And one reason I think the silence is impressive is because Neil was nice to a lot of people. Which makes this all so shocking and appalling and bad. He’s tied into so much stuff in so many places (comics, SF/Fantasy books, TV, movies, music) and so many communities. The fallout and repercussions are enormous (if you had a thing tied to Neil in each room, well it’s a bit like that in the larger world of the arts too).
I have seen some people say “he was always nice to me” but only after saying how horrified they are over what has come out and that they had no idea. A lot of people were fooled.
I’ve sent a couple private messages to people I know who publicly said basically “I liked him, he was my friend, I had no idea, maybe if I traveled in comics or science fiction/fantasy circles I’d’ve known” and I write to tell them that no, that wouldn’t have helped. Lots of people in those circles had no idea. Not that I had the heart to go out and try to confirm that, but I have to have a bit of faith in my community. What a horrifying and heartbreaking idea to think that everyone knew.
I first met Neil when I was 19. I first went to a party at his house when I was 22. So. Yeah. I would hope if our mutual friends also going to those same parties knew anything, they would’ve warned me.
You know where to find me if you ever want to rant/vent/talk about this stuff. I haven’t talked much about it publicly because it’s very hard (and I didn’t know Neil as well as you nor did we have nearly as many interactions as you did). I believe the survivors. I’m angry and sad. Looking back and reframing interactions over 3 decades and trying to figure out if I missed signs has not been my favorite, that’s for sure. (But as you say, our sadness and anger doesn’t matter as much compared the survivors. It still really sucks though.)