Neil groomed some women he knew to be victims he could prey on sexually and he groomed other women he knew to be his alibi, so if accusations of the former were ever made, the latter women would step up and defend him by saying "He can't have done this, he's so kind and thoughtful and genuine!" or "But he's a feminist!" or "He's never abused me!" or "If he'd done that I'd have *known*!"

But you weren't *supposed* to know and that was entirely by Neil's design.

It speaks to your personal integrity that you didn't follow his script and that you support the victims. I am sorry this is so hard on you.