flight safety instructions with a twist

[elisem]

'Tis brillig, and your safety card,
Does gimble in the pocket, right?
All mimsy is your safety belt:
Snug it and lock it tight.

Obey the lighted signs, my friend,
obey the crew, enjoy the ride;
Heed thou the lighted pathway to
the frumious exit slide.

If oxygen masks start to fall
put yours on first; do not delay.
Like Tum-tum trees, your cushion floats;
You'll up your odds that way.

And if in uffish thought you sit
plotting to smoke, you plot in vain.
There's whiffling in the tulgey wood
But none aboard this plane.

One two, one two, we have for you
Nice lavatories fore and aft
But touch those smoke detectors and
We'll bust you. Don't be daft.

And hast thou put thy luggage up
in that nice bin above your seat?
Stow it away! Callooh Callay!
Or put it by your feet.

We're making ready to depart
Seatbacks and trays may not be down.
Turn all arcane devices off
And we'll be off the ground.


(Yeah, there's poetry goofiness afoot over at Making Light again. I blame thank Abi for this round, which ate my brain until I finished that. Now I go back to getting cool stuff ready in the component section of the Current Shinies sale post.)

Comments

[yarram.livejournal.com]

I'll be thinking of this on my trip to the UK in two weeks! :-D

[bridgetj2.livejournal.com]

Having memorized Jabberwocky when I was 10, I am inordinately fond of this.

Printed, and placed inside the front cover of one of my hardcover illustrated editions of the poem.

[ladymurmur.livejournal.com]

This tops even our comedic flight attendant on a Southwest Airlines flight last summer. Jabberwoky FTW!

"In the event that this flight unexpectedly becomes a cruise, your seat cushion does double duty as a stylish floatation device"

"Should the cabin depreassurize... stop screaming, and place the mask over your nose and mouth. If you are travelinng with children (or people who are acting like children) be sure to secure your mask before helping others."

:-)

[montrealais.livejournal.com]

On my way to my grandfather's once, we had the World's Bitterest Flight Attendant, whose pre-flight message included the immortal phrase (and you need to imagine the intonation):

"In the unlikely event of a water landing... between Las Vegas and Palm Springs..."

[jinian.livejournal.com]

I chortle! A lot!

[deliasherman.livejournal.com]

Thank you for that. I'm going right in and read it to Ellen as she tosses clothing to and fro. We're getting ready to get on a plane early tomorrow morning for a cousin's wedding in Houston, TX!

ETcorrect spelling. Sheesh

[avocadovpx.livejournal.com]

After we have reached cruising altitude, snicker-snacks will be available for $3. Correct change is appreciated.

[curmudgeon.livejournal.com]

That. Is awesome. And I bet if you sent it to someone at Southwest, they'd actually use it.

[jerusha.livejournal.com]

Ooh, I like this one.

It also puts me in mind of the FAA Supplement () to the poem "High Flight". The whimsy, perhaps?

[tagwn.livejournal.com]

Maybe you could sell it to an in flight magazine. Very nice.

[queenlyzard.livejournal.com]

This is made of brilliant. May I signal-boost it?

[elisem.livejournal.com]

Totally yes, with my blessing, as long as you attach my name to it. I can be reached at LionessElise at gmail dot com the usual blah blah, if anybody wants permission to reprint. (I almost always say yes; I just like people asking because then I know how far out it gets, which is kind of neat. Like a tracking device, of sorts. Tracking the ripples outward.)