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(So for those of you who don't know, my father died one week ago today. We had a complicated relationship full of difficult situations, but I sang one of his favorite songs to him a week ago Sunday night, and he passed the next morning, Monday the 16th. Anyhow. I have been talking with a couple of folks about funeral and grief customs, and how I am in much more of a slough of grief than I expected, and how it's hard to be vulnerable but I could maybe let people be kind, and let them know they can help, and that it does help. So I said I would make this post.)

Hi, I am vulnerable and I am not comfortable being vulnerable or letting people help sometimes, but here I am trying my best.

If people would like to send me good wishes, condolences, kind words, that can be done here. (Thank you!)

If you want a snail address to mail something to, I can give you that, or probably [personal profile] jenett can.

If you want to bring me a hotdish I love you. (If you want to send a virtual hotdish, one friend agreed that this is why Zingerman's and Goldbelly make gift cards; if you want to send a closer-to-home virtual hotdish, Lunds & Byerly's also makes gift cards.)

If you want to send me completely unrelated and wonderfully distracting book recommendations, those are gladly and gratefully accepted.

If you want to do something just good in general, if you know anyone whose relationship with their parents is or was rather fraught, check in on them and send a good word their way.

I'm kind of a mess right now, and I expect I will be kind of a mess until the funeral on January 30 and probably afterwards for a while. My sister continues to be a hero, as do her husband Curtis and Penny the Wonder Corgi. My deepest thanks to everybody who has already checked in, waved hello, sent love, and/or sent good distracting/comforting links.



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Elise Matthesen

January 2026

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