compassion towards oneself

[elisem]

This is a thing I learn over and over.

My ADHD is pretty intense. (Those of you who have spent stretches of time with me in person probably know this pretty well already.) One of the things I learn over and over is that to avoid damaging myself, I need to find ways to accept and work with the ways my ADHD manifests in my days. Usually it's something in my workday, where I have certain things I'm trying to accomplish with however much energy and physical capital (you can say spoons if you like; it's the amount of physical motion I have that day before I'm out, and it's gotta stretch pretty far a lot of the time). When I mess something up, as I did today, it's going to be damaging if I get angry at myself and my ADHD and everything. It's better if I can recognize what happened, remind myself that this is how it goes some percentage of the time, figure out what needs doing now, and then go ahead and do it, accepting the extra time and effort as part of the cost of doing business if you're a me, which I am.

Which is why I repacked the box that I had multiple notes about including something special in but forgot to put the something special in until it was already sealed. So I took some breaths and reminded myself that I still like being me even if it's frustrating, and did what needed doing.

But the two other boxes that need repacking are going to wait until tomorrow, because I'm working on moderation in all things, today. Even this.

Where do you work on showing compassion towards yourself, if you don't mind saying?

Comments

[azurelunatic]

Around not getting done all the things I wanted to, around the limits of my body, and especially around my sleep schedule.

[alexseanchai]

it is okay that all I did today was shower and make a half batch of crepes. I knew from reading the recipe that it was going to involve standing at the stove for a while and was therefore going to wipe me out, and I did it anyway for story research purposes and feed household purposes and upgrade kitchen skills purposes. (and the shower was slightly overdue.) day's goals exceeded! [Legend of Zelda achievement sound goes here]

[madgastronomer]

Last week, I was working on an open source project, and I kept making beginner errors. And the last one, where I swapped the name and the ID in the database insert, which was where I could have gotten really mad at myself, I decided, no, I am going to laugh instead, this is silly. It was a silly thing to do, not a stupid one, so I am just going to laugh instead of get mad, and then I am going to fix it and go do something else.

Other things I use are Permission To Suck (for things I am otherwise perfectionist about, and have been blocking myself for years from learning to do, such as drawing, which I am allowed to suck at so I can get better at it later), and Permission To Fuck Up (for things where it's just an error, and I don't need to get mad, because I have permission to fuck up).

I really mean to calligraph myself a pair of Official Certificates Of Permission. With errors in.

"would i say this to somebody i liked?"

[siriosa]

no? then stfu, i don't get to say it to me either.

also also: i amuse myself by narrating my (mis)adventures.
if i trip over my own feet: "graceful as a gazelle. truly blessed." which makes me laugh, but also weirdly makes me a little more graceful moving through the world.

Re: "would i say this to somebody i liked?"

[anef]

That's really clever - because your subconscious doesn't understand irony, it assumes that you are what you say you are, and guides your feet.

Re: "would i say this to somebody i liked?"

[siriosa]

So Much of the universe is innocent of irony, and struggles to parse negatives.

[redbird]

One of the really annoying things about my MS is the temperature sensitivity -- I get cold easily, and I also overheat easily. That's a hard thing to work with, literally, and also an easy thing to see as a personal/character flaw.

I spend a lot of time telling myself that this is an annoying thing, but not something I am doing wrong, and that we are tool-using animals with a complicated culture that includes central heating, air conditioning, and clothing made from a variety of different materials. Mostly this works, as long as I don't run into people who are skeptical or scornful of me for needing it.

[lydamorehouse]

I've been struggling with writing for many years now, and I constantly try to remind myself that I am not defined by my productivity. How much writing I get done in any given day does not define my self-worth. I say it until I believe it.

But, man, it's hard. I like your take on reminding myself that I like being me. I like me a lot! I like you a lot! I like a whole bunch of people a lot! And, yeah, you know, that is kind of what's the most thing at the end of the day, isn't it?

[xeger]

"Attention span of a kitten, activate!" (in other words, sometimes delightfully obsessive, sometimes skittery and distractable/distracted, but -- cute and forgiveable even after face planting in the food dish and making a mess all over).

[athenais]

For many years I have had to remind myself I am not psychic. I simply cannot know what other people think of me, so I don't need to worry about it and I can just carry on being me instead of comparing myself to others. Do they like me? Awesome! Do I know why? Nope! I take it as an article of faith that I am loved and appreciated. I don't need to explain it, to me or anyone else.

[readinggeek451]

I have to remind myself that it's okay not to accomplish everything I had planned/hoped to in a day. And that's it's okay to let myself rest when I need to.