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 Ruth, my spouse's mother, my mother-in-law whom I called my mother-outlaw before John and I got married, has departed this world. She died well, in an excellent setting of love and affirmation which she chose.

She and I met at the Science Museum of Minnesota about forty-one years ago, when I was volunteering there in Anthropology Hall. I often say that Juan and I met in a folktale: One day at the hearth, my teacher of spinning and weaving and dyeing called to a passing young man, "Come here, my son, and hold this yarn that Elise might wind it up into a ball." And he and I both thought the other interesting, and that was the beginning.

Early on, Ruth said to him, "Now, when* you break up with her, you make sure to do it in such a way that you can handle running into her around the house, because she was my friend first."

Best mother-outlaw ever.

When Juan proposed to me, I said I needed to go ask his mother for his hand. I went to see her, explained the situation, and Ruth said she had only one question for me.  
"The two of you aren't going to get all conventional on us, are you?"
"Certainly not!" I said.
"In that case, I think it's a fine idea," said she.
And so we did.

It can be very handy, if one is polyamorous, to have a mother-outlaw or in-law who is an anthropologist. "Hey, Ruth," I would say, "We're being exogamous again." Ruth would smile and ask me how many places to set for the next upcoming holiday dinner.

Anyhow, my mother-outlaw has departed this world. There will be many people in many places writing remembrances of her and of fun and adventures they shared. I just wanted to take a moment right now to appreciate the woman who taught me to spin and weave and dye fibers, who told me when and where the good drag performances were and often took me along, who shared a quest with me to eat pho at every place in the Twin Cities that offered it, and who welcomed our otherloves to her table and home. Best mother-outlaw ever. She will be missed, but more than that, she will be gladly remembered as long as stories are told.



*She didn't think we had enough in common, possibly temperamentally, to make a long-term match. It's been 40 years of keeping company this year, 33 of those as married.
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It's the time of the year when I play certain recordings while I pack boxes and run labels, and several of those recordings are from the Revels. Depending on the track, at times the voice of John Langstaff rings out, and I am transported back to sometime before or around the turn of the millennium (dang it, however I type that word it just looks wrong) to a couple of very late nights in the MPR building, cheering on and marveling at the work of Roger Gomoll, producer and engineer par excellence, as he did his magic.

I should probably start closer to the beginning. But what came first? I'm pretty sure Roger had enlisted me as a small-time helper for various things, including being an idea fountain (well, that's what I call it) for merch for the premiere of the MPR State Fair broadcasts (the t-shirts with the old-fashioned-radio-shaped ice cream bar on a stick with a bite out of it? mine, and I wish I still had one of those shirts) and writing spots for a pledge drive or two. I don't think it was a pledge drive spot that Langstaff came by for, though I could be wrong. I think Roger was doing a promo for the Revels itself, or at least its first Minnesota incarnation. (It had been going since something like 1971 in various places by then, and eventually the seed was planted here.) I do remember the recording with Langstaff and the editing thereof came before any involvement I had with the Revels, because at the end of the first recording session Langstaff turned to me and told me I must be in the Revels, rehearsals were at x-and-such place on x-and-such nights and to show up and tell them he sent me. So I did. Hey, if Langstaff told you to go somewhere and sing, if you had any sense of adventure at all you did exactly that.

Anyhow, Langstaff ad libbed various things, recited some Revels stuff, and we talked a bit. Over the next couple of days, I took my little hammer-pen and anvil of paper and made some things that ran for the lengths of time Roger wanted. When we got back into the studio, we discovered a thing we had not expected, which was that our scripts were here and Langstaff was there and never the twain would meet. I didn't think I was that bad a writer; I had taken sentences and phrases exactly as he had said them in the initial taping, and one of my goals in scriptwriting carried over from writing feature stories for local publications: do a good enough job that people thanked me for putting down their words exactly. (Especially if they weren't, exactly. But that's a whole 'nother discussion.) There's a trick to capturing the flavor of what someone says and how they say it, and it was always a great satisfaction to get that right. So when Langstaff found such rocky footing on the words I'd assembled, I was apologetic and chagrinned in no small measure. But there was only so much time for recording, so we did what we could.

And thus it was that I watched Roger assembling the spots, working until quite late in the night in the MPR building. It was doubly cool because it was the first time I was around someone using sound editing software that stretched between two computer monitors, which was just trippy and all sensawunda to me. Due to the troubles with recording, there were a LOT of edits. (There was music fading in and out behind things, and a bunch of stuff besides just the voice.) As in, there was a thirty second piece with considerably more than thirty edits. As I recall, we were getting punchy when it was past midnight, and Roger matched up the wavelengths of the last bit by eye without listening to it, set up the edit, grinned at me, and then played it. Perfection.

Langstaff was quite a character. I'm sorry I didn't get to hang out with him more in a non-studio environment. Hanging out with Roger, though, in the studio or in the editing suite, was an education and a delight, and I will always remember it with gladness.

Have you ever gotten to hang out with someone at the top of their game, doing what they do well? Isn't it a delight?
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I was poking through some old entries looking for a thing, and instead found this. It's from when Mike and I were visiting Jim and Harriet for the holidays, as was our wont, and it makes me smile. It's also the last Christmas Mike and Jim got to celebrate together, so it's a bittersweet smile, but a smile nonetheless.

These are written snapshots of the day, in chronological order:

The needleworked pillows around this house delight me. I'm not sure whether my hosts made or acquired them, but they're just the thing. The one I can see from where I am sitting says "No one is safe with a writer in the room." One of the ones downstairs says, "Love thy editor."

There was the Hallelujah Chorus again today, but this time it was with kazoos.

People gave me amazing presents, which I just want to sit and read and read, but at the same time, the bead boxes are calling me. This is why I can be found at the kitchen table with Mary P., designing shinies and sparklies.

Mike is taking a nap. I went up to see him just now and used the usual is-your-sugar-low? metric: I said, "Say something complicated." It works remarkably well. Today I got back a declaration of love with side commentary explaining that while this wasn't really complicated in its own right, it was at the top of his mind. We agreed that the side commentary hit or exceeded the complicated mark, and I was much reassured, so I kissed him and told him I was going to go on-line for a few minutes, but that he was welcome to come join Mary and me at the table soon.

Jim with a brand new lightsaber is a sight simultaneously endearing and terrifying. Heh.

Now, it being very late evening, I am sitting in the kitchen with Mike and Mary and Lese (oh, dear, I do not know how to spell her, but she is very cool and an artist). They are watching movies, in a multiplexed channel-flipping sort of way, while I make a necklace-crown. (Swarovski, greens and grays.) Lese has informed me that I am not allowed to say that I can't draw; we have compromised, and I may say that I have not yet been able to draw well. (Except for botanical illustration, and a very, very few portraits. And a tornado, once, but that was something else again.)

(I'm going to add more snapsnots as the day goes on, if there's time. If there aren't any more snapshots here, you may picture me under a heap of ribbons, snoozing blissfully.)

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Elise Matthesen

April 2025

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