Ruth, my mother-outlaw

[elisem]

 Ruth, my spouse's mother, my mother-in-law whom I called my mother-outlaw before John and I got married, has departed this world. She died well, in an excellent setting of love and affirmation which she chose.

She and I met at the Science Museum of Minnesota about forty-one years ago, when I was volunteering there in Anthropology Hall. I often say that Juan and I met in a folktale: One day at the hearth, my teacher of spinning and weaving and dyeing called to a passing young man, "Come here, my son, and hold this yarn that Elise might wind it up into a ball." And he and I both thought the other interesting, and that was the beginning.

Early on, Ruth said to him, "Now, when* you break up with her, you make sure to do it in such a way that you can handle running into her around the house, because she was my friend first."

Best mother-outlaw ever.

When Juan proposed to me, I said I needed to go ask his mother for his hand. I went to see her, explained the situation, and Ruth said she had only one question for me.  
"The two of you aren't going to get all conventional on us, are you?"
"Certainly not!" I said.
"In that case, I think it's a fine idea," said she.
And so we did.

It can be very handy, if one is polyamorous, to have a mother-outlaw or in-law who is an anthropologist. "Hey, Ruth," I would say, "We're being exogamous again." Ruth would smile and ask me how many places to set for the next upcoming holiday dinner.

Anyhow, my mother-outlaw has departed this world. There will be many people in many places writing remembrances of her and of fun and adventures they shared. I just wanted to take a moment right now to appreciate the woman who taught me to spin and weave and dye fibers, who told me when and where the good drag performances were and often took me along, who shared a quest with me to eat pho at every place in the Twin Cities that offered it, and who welcomed our otherloves to her table and home. Best mother-outlaw ever. She will be missed, but more than that, she will be gladly remembered as long as stories are told.



*She didn't think we had enough in common, possibly temperamentally, to make a long-term match. It's been 40 years of keeping company this year, 33 of those as married.

Comments

[kate_nepveu]

she sounds wonderful. I'm glad you all had each other in your lives.

[jenett]

What is remembered lives - and I am certain Ruth will be remembered for many many many years to come.

All the love to you and Juan and all her other people.

[heavenscalyx]

What a remarkable person! What and excellent friend and mother outlaw!

[kaberett]

Her memory a blessing <3

[anne]

She sounds wonderful!

[sartorias]

She sounds like a treasure. I am sorry for your loss.

[carbonel]

Her memory for a blessing.

I met Ruth a few times in connection with her facilitating my purchasing spinning supplies through her wholesale account. It was a great favor to me and she was not just gracious but enthusiastic about it. It was so nice to have someone to geek with about fiber stuff. I think about her every time I use some of the equipment or the dwindling amount of fiber from that purchase.

[ellen_fremedon]

I'm so sorry for your loss. She sounds like a remarkable person.

[alexseanchai]

may her memory be eternal

[aurumcalendula]

She sound wonderful! I'm so sorry for your loss.

[sovay]

Her memory for a blessing. I am glad the folktale is still going on.

[ckd]

All my love to you and Juan. May her love and memory sustain you both.

[starlady]

She sounds pretty awesome. I'm sorry for your loss.

[keshwyn]

What a beautiful eulogy! May she be well remembered, and may we all learn how to be our own good people from her memory.

[davidgoldfarb]

A moving tribute to someone who sounds like a very interesting person. May her memory be a blessing.

Condolences

[brainwane]

I have the good fortune that my partner's mother liked and cared for me, and she died after I'd only known her a few years, and I miss her. I'm glad you had so many decades of wonderful friendship with yours, and that she died well.

[yhlee]

She sounds like a fantastic mother-outlaw. Thinking of you & yours.

[madgastronomer]

*hugs* May her memory be a blessing.

[catherineldf]

Sending all the *hugs* and much sympathy. :-(((

[readinggeek451]

My condolences. She sounds like a wonderful lady.

May her memory be a blessing.

[azurelunatic]

That is an excellent question to ask of someone asking for one's child's hand.

[edschweppe]

I am so sorry for your and Juan's loss. She truly sounds like a wonderful mother-outlaw.

[chanter1944]

:( My condolences. She sounds like a delightful woman indeed. May her memory be for a blessing, as the expression goes.

[vass]

She sounds like a wonderful person. May her memory be a blessing.

[maribou]

I am sorry for your loss. thank you for telling us a bit about her, she sounds remarkable in the best possible ways.

[synecdochic]

May her memory be a blessing.

[ursa_cerulean]

I'm sorry for your loss. She sounds wonderful

[rosefox]

Thank you for sharing a bit of her with us. I hope you have many more good memories to comfort you.

[lokifan]

She sounds fantastic. I'm sorry for your loss.

[kellan_the_tabby]

Wow, she sounds like she was awesome! May her memory be a blessing.

[laurel]

I am very behind on reading things here, so just saw the news about Ruth. I very much enjoyed reading about her and am so very sorry for your loss (and for Juan's, of course). You were all lucky to have each other and I'm glad you have the memories and had all those excellent times together.