in the midst: nearly a year has gone by

[elisem]

My sister and I have been talking about childhood learning and adult learning or re-learning, about agency and autonomy, about critical thinking and biases and knowledge and respect and all of that. It's been on both of our minds particularly because we're coming up on the first anniversary of our father's death. There's a book I'm reading about raising critical thinkers. I can't wait to talk about it with my sister.

If you've lost a parent, is there something you were reading about a year later that was particularly meaningful, particularly helpful, to you?

Any advice you might have for someone getting through the year anniversary of the death of a (complicated? estranged? charismatic? difficult?) parent is welcome here in this particular comments section.

And now I'll go back to thinking about what my sister's been saying about things she wishes we could have learned earlier, and ways that learning gets accomplished, as I read this book on raising critical thinkers. (Review upcoming. Probably without too many digressions about Catherine Winkworth, but we'll see.)

Comments

[dantesspirit]

For me, this is my 3rd holiday season without my dad. It's Mark's first without his mom.

I've found having someone you can talk to, lean on and even cry with helps, especially that first year. No matter what kind of relationship you may have had with that parent, you still feel that loss keenly and having someone there, helps.

[sartorias]

For me, listening to my dad's music was a way of coping. He died not long after his seventieth birthday, so the two events run together. I still listen to his music on those anniversaries though the pain has eased ('98). Mom's death (and a brother)'s are still raw. For Mom it's craft things, for both brothers (one died ten years ago) it's little signs of them in written things.

[ursa_cerulean]

I'm a couple months past that same anniversary. Last year was mostly... Raw grief, a little relief, and some numbness. This year, I've been able to remember the good bits along with the bad, and... Grieve properly, in all it's messiness.

[azurelunatic]

My auspistice sent me a cheesecake for my dad's death, inspired by Cake Wrecks, with the message "Sorry about your terrible dad" on it. We couldn't eat it all immediately, so I froze some slices. I had one of them this morning. It's about two years over here. The cheesecake was still good.

I send my mom and my sister cool art, music, and science things that he would have appreciated.

[mrissa]

A year after my dad's death was June 1, 2020, so, uh...yeah, I am not useful here. But I sure am thinking of you.

[carbonel]

I just marked the second anniversary of my mother's death. It's more like missing a tooth than anything else for me -- I want to tell her something or ask her something...and she's just not there.

[thistleingrey]

Both my difficult father and his brother died in the spring of this year, well past age 80. What I'm gleaning from the post and comments is that things are no harder or easier when the bereft adult child is a particular age; that's helpful in its way, in terms of self-allowance with how I try learning to process things. (I'm a bit older than mrissa, I think.) Strength and patience to us all.

[elisem]

I just came back here after the anniversary in question to say thank you to everyone, because all of this was helpful.

<3