Elise Matthesen

I intended to do another filk-about-a-novel, but I've been reading con reports from World Fantasy, and I point all of you toward Mari Ness' hotel rant, with which I wholeheartedly concur. I didn't have so many problems personally, but still, the recurrent "walk a little ways on the path and go up some stairs, oh, look, here's a stairs down ten feet later...." was exhausting. I was lucky to be strong enough last weekend that I wasn't using my cane much, but the huge grounds and incredibly hostile-to-mobility-impairments stairs and gates and everything else were the opposite of what I'd want a WFC venue to be. "Picturesque" is all too often a euphemism for "if you have disabilities this site will make your life hell." However, they compounded everything wrong about the grounds with truly horrible anti-service in Mari's case, and that hotel had better refund Mari Ness' money, and had better mend their ways, because this is Not OK. (That's very strong language in Scandosotan, for those of you who do not speak it.) Anyhow, have a song. It's to "Hotel California," which seemed the obvious choice. I hope Mari's OK that I wrote it in the first person, but her account just fell into the verses so neatly....


"Famous Town & Country"

I made my reservation some months in advance
I called to confirm it, didn't leave it to chance
When I got to the hotel, I didn't know what to say
My heart grew heavy and my face grew grim
'Cause there were steps in my way
Hard to get to the doorway because the ramp was hell
I was thinking to myself "Why did the con have to choose this hotel?"
I looked up at the front desk; had to look a long way
There were voices far above my head
I thought I heard them say

Welcome to the famous Town & Country
Accessibility
Is a fantasy
Plenty of stairs at the famous Town & Country
To the left or right
find another flight

So even though I confirmed it, they had no disabled room
Though I had called them just the day before to stave off doom
They could give me a standard just for the night
They would move me tomorrow,
It would be all right
So I called up the front desk: "What time will I move?"
They said, "We haven't got a single clue" which was easy to prove
And still I couldn't log on 'cause their net was down
Took it up with the front desk again
And I heard some clown

Saying Welcome to the famous Town & Country
Our accessibility
Is a travesty
In the restaurants at the famous Town & Country
Doors unusable
Inexcusable

Every little sidewalk had a gate or a stair
And they said "Go out through the parking lot, there's a door back there"
And at the Sunshine Deli they said I could get through
If I went through the restaurant
But they lock those doors at two!
Last thing I remember there were drills and power saws
And that was just the half of it; I was angry and I had cause
"Relax," said the front desk "Pay your bill and go away --
We're ignorant of hospitality
And of the ADA!"

Welcome to the famous Town & Country
It's a cruddy place
It's a big disgrace
Don't bother to stay at the famous Town & Country
Our accessibility
Is a travesty


Edited to add: To be very clear about this, the hotel in question is the Town and Country in San Diego, which was the venue for WFC2011. The Town and Country has a website which will tell you more about their "lush tropical landscaping" and "tranquil walkways." Their property map is a pdf, but if you brave it, it will show you why getting around the site (not to mention finding your friends) is herculean labor. The steps on the walkways are not marked on the pdf, either. Neither are most of the walkways. There's certainly no marking of accessible entrances on their map. Oh, wait, maybe there is because they freakin' have none -- at least, none you can rely on. Worst Venue Ever for WFC in my personal experience, and the abysmal customer service takes that bad rating exponential.